Phool Chati Ashram

I was setting in the Ganga View restaurant that is a popular dive for travelers. There is nothing to describe the places where travelers get there food, and it is something like a place typically where a group of people get together and hangout on cushions on the floor. Sometimes there are tables in this opium den like atmosphere. The are usually called something like a place to chill. A lady comes up to me and asks to sit with me, and starts telling me how to use a Netty pot. She learned the correct way to blow her nose, and sometimes is you do this wrong you will get water into your inner ear. I ask her where she has learned this, and she says that she spent a couple of weeks doing a yoga training coarse at Phool Chati.

I am totally interested and drawn there. So there are tons of yoga programs in Rieshiekesh! You can do yoga practically anywhere around there...on the banks of the river...in a ashram...at a guest house...on the roof with a group of people. So Spencer and I are committed to spend a week doing yoga, meditation, chanting, and mediation hikes along the ganga. What I didn't realize about this ashram is it is the old school way of an ashram. This is not for the pamper me yoga type. We were up at 5:30am to do silent meditation by 6am, next is sinus cleansing with salt water and netty pots, back to the hall for pranayma breathing which is fast breathing that brings in the energy of the sun at this point of the morning, yoga for and hour and half, breakfast, mediation hiking/walking, lunch, this point try and fit in some reflection/washing/take a shower, satsang with the yoga teacher to ask questions, yoga, prayer, kirtan singing, dinner, mediation...wheeeeeewwwww! So I am surrounded by like minded individuals some keeping silence, and Spencer and I tring hard to keep silence after morning yoga.

In reflection of this wonderful place it taught me the issues around community. What it takes to create connection, and when to stay out of other peoples drama. The first group that we were apart of made it easy for me to realize that freedom and spontaneity that helps others to connect to spirit through connection with others. We were all committed to being apart of honest important communication with each other. In being silent I realized when it was important to say things, and when it was not. I find in my healing practice I am good at listing to when spirit wants me to speak, and when to not speak. It is different in a group of people that wants to talk just to fill the space..vs. the ones that only speak when something is important. Communication is an interesting thing for all of us!

In the end there are many good habits that I learned, but the ability to stay connected at all times is a constant struggle.

Great Mother Energy!

So when getting ready for this trip in a healing session with Spencer we were talking about our trip, and through our healing I came to realize that I would looking at he deep feminine on this trip! Little did I know that I would be following a guru around India that one of my first teachers encouraged me to see in Portland 10 years ago. Her name is Amma, Amritanandamai, or some call her the hugging mother. She is this warm beautiful being that some say is an avatar. She has come to heal us, and she has devoted her life to loving people compassionately. She is a true being on this planet focusing on open and living form the heart. Even as a child she was from a poor family, and would give the food away that was in there house. Well that was my impression of her. So I understand the Guru path, but I have so many teachers I never thought about just going with one teacher! Many years ago a friend and I were doing a meditation class, and were encouraged by our teacher to go see her. So we are in the middle of Acupuncture school, and had many tests but thought that we could stop by and see her. She was doing darshan in a small church in PDX off of Stark Street. We went in, and both really wanted to see her. We gave our self an hour because then we needed to go study. We were in line, and decided that we were done waiting around there was maybe 40 more people ahead of us. At that point I was put off by all the push to give a donation to her for the darshan, and to be honest I thought it was great to be around a beautiful Indian women, but I had more important things to do I thought. 8 years latter I was drawn to her like a moth to a flame.

We were in Hampi, and she called me from there through several people I would chat with that were talking about going to Kerala to see her. So I figured that before we went to the Andaman Islands that I would see her in a public arena in Pondicherry. Pondicherry is a French enclave of India. The architecture is beautiful, and it is still India so the beach has garbage all over it...and cows! So what happens...we both get sick, and we are unable to see Auraville. Which is this alternative community that is huge in Pondicherry, that follows the gurus path called the Mother. That is a whole different story! So our last day there we go at 7ish to set in a stadium...something like a fair grounds in the states! It is huge, and this guy walks around with numbers from a-z numbered 1-99, and we are number H something. Somehow Spencer gets a number in the C area. We are told that we will be seen for Darshan with her at 1am. So we are still fighting colds, and we enjoy the Bajan with her. She has this amazing presence, and when you feel the song reach ecstasy she yells out maaaaaaa and is doing so with so much joy I have never seen! We are so into it, and then around 11pm we decide that we can not wait any longer. We are exhausted, and we have a bus ride back to Chennai to catch an early morning flight. I wanted to get blessed by her but not that Bad! I walked away slightly upset that I was not going to see her...but I did not really know what I was going to her for. Not yet did I know the question that I needed to ask, or how to go to her in honor and reverence! So it ate at me that I did not see her, but I thought that going to her ashram would do the trick.

So I did the back water trip in Kerala, which was not as fun as I thought going on the water with mostly looking at mining operations off the coast...and the smell of garbage. The beautiful part of the trip is watching the families wash there clothes on the banks, fish with Chinese fishing nets, and wave excitedly from the shores! So we arrive at ammas in the afternoon. After getting settled, and acquainted we go to the nightly bajans. The women are in a temple with kali, and the men are in a big auditorium. So here is Kali again, helping me to let go of my ego...be more in spirit and less in my head. I felt this healing energy all around me, and slept better than I have since we had been traveling. It was great to be staying in an Ashram, paying $150 rupees which is $4 a night for food and lodging. In the south they are in to dosas and idilies for breakfast. This was a surprise at how I had no hunger when eating this for breakfast. I have always thought that I needed protein when I am moving through the world, but this is an ashram...and it is only vegetarian. I was totally fine, and did not feel like I was hungry when eating this way. So we were on the fast track to get up to Pune, because there she would be in a few weeks. So with much deliberation as always as to how we are going to do this, we get on the boat in 2 days. I feel like I am leaving way too soon, but I want this hug!

We stop in Goa to have this lovely vacation; they are a Portuguese enclave so we were eating like queens and kings! We try to get a ticket to Puna, but would miss her by a few days. So we arrive in Pune to go to Osho's ashram, but it had this celebrity feel, and was not what we needed at the moment! Some of you Oregonians might remember the Rajneesh that settled near Bend...well that was Osho! We go as quickly as we can to the train station and get tickets easily to Bombay where she will be having a public darshan in another ashram! Let me tell you nothing is easy in India!!!! It can take 3 days, waiting in line, people pushing ahead of you, touts telling you to go to the wrong place so they can make a little money, and many more problems. The bottom line is if you are going in the wrong direction India will put breaks on you faster than you can imagine and lay you out sick for a week to teach you a lesson. This time the intelligent energy of India propelled us so fast to Bombay we were spinning!

We get to Bombay, and for the first time everything is easy. We have read the book "Shantaram"(read it is a great story of the underbelly of Bombay...or Mumbai now!) and know that there is a lot of blue collar crime, but we are prepared for the scams. There wasn't much for us to duck and dodge from. We had one guy who was trying to be a tout, but not succeeding to get the extra money to bring us to a room. We easily found a place to stay...not that nice because for lower paying guest houses you have to pay quite a bit for nothing. The next day we go early to see a local Mumbai philosophiser do a satsong. It is a talk an answer session were you ask him a question about life, and he answers it. His name is Ramesh Balsecar, and his philosophy is interesting in that he is focused on what he calls "daily living"! How do we live in the present moment daily? So it was fascinating to hear him talk to this big balliwood film producer about how to deal with all this fear about keeping his family healthy, and that they have enough money. Remesh tells him..."the movie is in the can" Well I can't do this one justice, but most the time we worry about what has happened, and what will happen....but really creator has been directing our movie from the beginning...we are just learning from our karma...and there is nothing we can do about this movie! We just learn the play as we go! I saw a big play of how one who has ego, can get themselves stripped when going to a teacher. One guy felt that he was enlightened, and didn't feel that what Remesh had to say was true. It was interesting watching someone come to prove a teacher wrong in there one Satsong! We get done there to go to see Amma!

We arrive by metro train in a smaller suburb of Mumbai. We try to take a taxi, but they won't because we realize that it is a minute walk to the ashram were she is doing darshan. We get there to realize that there is a line to get a number. So we get a ticket that is to say that we can get in line to get a number. We have not even gotten a ticket to get a number. We are standing in line, and Spencer is furious when I come back saying that we will have to wait until evening to get a number for darshan...literally translated into we will be there until the next morning. He says that he is leaving by the evening, and for me I am staying no matter what to get a ticket to get my hug. We split up because there is a women’s line that is shorter than a couple’s line! I am mad because I want to see her, and I do not want to go back on the train by myself at night in Bombay! I have dealt the whole time with this feeling of lack of freedom as a women, and am so upset about having to wait or leave with Spencer early. I am an independent women, and thank god that I was born in a country where even though discrimination exists against women I am still able to walk down a street in a tank top with out men making lewd comments, following me down the street, and drooling as I walk by. Just a little pro feminist rant sorry! As I am waiting with women, I am taken in with every one around me as they are chatting with me about there lives, wanting to know about mine. Spencer walks up with a ticket that someone just gave him to get in to see her and get his hug at that moment. I am so happy for him, and wait to watch on the screen as he goes up to get his hug! I am getting tired, but refining my question. Something about how I am a women, and the Devine femine, and how to be a healer in balance with working with other women. All this chanting and enjoying my self with others I feel the energy rise around me, and I feel ecstatic! Spencer comes out in a bliss from his hug...maybe I will get him to write about his experience? So I have still not even gotten a number and they tell us that we will have to wait in line until the evening to get a number, but I am determined, and now Spencer is willing to wait...he is in bliss. We go and have dinner of dosas that were simple but so good! Then we get fried bananas as desert which are so simple and the best treat yet! I am waiting by the bathroom as I hear if you are a women with a ticket from the afternoon and haven’t had a darshan with amma please come to the side of the ashram. I walk off forgetting that Spencer is at the bathroom, and will not be able to find me...but just as they are whisking me away he comes to say what are you doing...I say getting a hug from amma! I get to go back right by the stage were she is going to do Puja. This is were 100's of people are setting in front of her as she leads a ritual with fire, water, food, and smoke. They are chanting, and using all of this stuff to cleanse themselves while honoring the Hindu gods and goddesses. I feel as if I am doing these things with them. Then this is over, and I am being rushed to the stage....oh my god what is my question??? Right before I see her it comes to me that I need to heal the Devine feminine within my self before I can do anything else. I hear her telling me that I need to heal my uterus. I come up to get a hug as she whispers to me in English something the ocean tells me each time I greet her! I feel this heat burn in my 2nd chakra, and she says to put me off to the side. I feel euphoric, and extremely happy. Others around me are crying, and I wait until I feel the heat of my uterus reduce...and I feel my self feeling done with being on the stage...and I am now thinking 4 hours later if Spencer is ok?

Now 3 months later I do not know if I can say what has impacted me from this encounter. 1st my cycles are totally healed! It is the first time in my life that I am feeling healthy 100 percent in my body, and it could be food, weather, less stress...who knows, but it is great! I also have come to some great conclusions about when you are drawn to a master, and each person has to take there own path to learning the answers to questions! Not one teacher can direct the masses. Everyone will meet there spiritual quest at some point to be guided. Ok but for me who wouldn't want a hug from the great mother? Last she comes to the states, and does darshans...which it is so much easier than India, but I will go and stay in her ashram for a while in a few years while she will be teaching there! I don't know if I will be a disciple, but I do love her teachings...and as Remesh would say “the movie is in the can!”

One Ruppie? One Ladoo? School Pen?

What does it mean to give? Gift others? Honor the sacred? How do we do this? What does it look like? These are all questions that go through my head everyday as I walk the different places of India. There are kids always asking for rupees(Indian money), Laddoo(Indian treat made of milk and sugar), and School pens. Beggars in a line before any temple. A women or young child with a cring baby waving an empty bottle. The worst is the beggars that have amputated limbs, and some that have no fingers and toes. There is a great book that tels about the begging culture it is called "A Fine Balance"

Being in the South of India is completely different than the North. In our travels through Kerala I started to notice the difference in how much the begging lessened, and I almost forgot about it. In Kerala they are a Communist state, mostly christian, and the overall need to overcome the caste system. What i found is there is not the culture of beggars. People are more educated, and tend to have some creative way to sell things. With this state they say that 99% of the people are literate, I could talk to my Rickshaw driver about Bush. He knew current events, and as a women there was less of him throwing sexual energy at me.



The beach in Goa was beautiful, and the Portuguese influence was great! There instead of girls on the beach begging they were painting peoples toe nails, and selling jewelry. They are inventive and able to promote themselves well. They use the just wanting to be friend tactic. Which for me I got to talk to them about there life's, family, and who knows what stories that they created that would make business. With them and this Yogi on the Andaman Islands i learned about why Indian people tend to exaggerate or out right tell stories. He told me the story of how he met someone in his travels as a healer and teacher were they told him that they were very rich, and was apart of the Rajs (kings that were honored)which he knew this guy was poor and worked at a restaurant. He told him that he was a poor cook that just was given a ticket to America. I have been upset with people who tell me stories that are untrue. The beggar on the train who is sweeping the floor, and then I see them get off the train and she is walking with the chai guy that is employed by the train and she is giving him the money. Someone telling me of this person down the street that has exactly what I am looking for, even though they do not. The rickshaw driver that is supposed to take us to the guest house that we are wanting to go to, but to make baksheesh(extra money or bribe to get out of trouble) he drives us to another place. But what if we all were able to create our own reality, or for a moment take ourselves into another realm. I find myself caught up in the identity of Healer, Women, Friend that I do not let myself explore Queen, Player, Mermaid, Dancer, Artist or Storyteller! The other part of Indian culture is not to disappoint the person who is asking the question. They want to please everyone, and make sure they have an answer if they don't.

So for me what takes the cake is when priests that I view as spiritual leaders are chasing me around Ohmkereshvar asking me if I want special vip pujjaa(spiritual blessing) for $500 rupees. Then they start to negotiate at $100 rupees. This has happened at many spiritual places where they are known for the energy and history there. We arrived at Shivaratri in Ohmkereshvar which is a holy time to celebrate Shiva. This place has one of the 12 Shiva linga, which is where energy from the earth radiates through a stone that to me looks like a penis! Other Shiva lingas radiate energy through prayer. To go into a temple that men are chanting around this huge rock penis formation is amazing to feel the masculine yang energy that radiates to everyone. There I hear from spirit that I am to drop 50 rupees, and then I touch this structure that makes me feel electrified. I realize that I am feeling blissed. I am given a red string that has been rapped around the linga, and am given candy or what they call a ...which has been blessed on the alter that someone else has given to them as a gift before. Sometimes Spencer and I are called to bring fruit, candy, or any treat that catches our eye. So as we leave the priests start to want to do the vip puja...which we deny...I felt totally connected, and didn't feel the need to have a priest do any more with me.

I remember many teachers telling me that they could not imagine going to India because they would give all there money away the first day. I feel that way every day that I am here but that doesn't help me or them if it doesn't come from my heart. I realize that I have to be called to give them kind words, fruit, money. Which is the same anywhere in my life. People touch my heart daily in my life, wether I am called to give or not I can only do when I am called by my heart that is guided by spirit connected to the earth!

Rajastan

(Sorry everyone I have been deep in process in my pligrimige, and have been in areas that are not condusive to email. I have had just little time to write any extra, and was also needing to have the experience. So my writing will be infrequest, and will get easier in Thailand in May. Until then we miss you all, and will update you as soon as possible!) This area of India has strength and pride, as well as a desperation for money. We arrive in Jodpur to the pushiness of touts paying off the bus driver to get to our luggage. In me arises this protection, and anger for me and all of the travelers that are tring to get off the bus. Of course I piss off all of the rickshaw drivers, and have them befuddled. I grab the bags that the rickshaw drivers are trying to take and yell no at them. Any yelling in India scares them. One guy says you do not understand how it works. (but yes I do! i just do not want to do it there way)This is an area that has a magnificent fort where many wars have taken place, and Spencer felt the pull of the need to fight to take care of what you have. This was also a place we manifested the beautiful room to stay in to heal as we both had bad colds, and bronchial congestion. While we are healing we learn of Millet chapatis which are gluten free. They are called Sogra! They are yummy to eat with anything, and are specific to Rajastan. Here is were the Camel treks are done. I at the time could not imagine doing any thing where there was dust.

When tring to leave it felt like there was this strange hold over us to never leave. Almost as if they needed to get as much money out of us before it was to late. We struggled to get a train ticket. I learned the India way of not Queueing as they think they are in line, but really it is about who you befriend in line to get to the front. Women always go first, but not when older men who look official walk up and buy a ticket! We finally leave to go to Mt Abu, which is a hill station, that is like being in a mystical mountain paradise compared to the rest of India. We experienced the Brahmacharin which is a new mix of Hindu, christian, and many other religions. We go to a museum that is supposed to give us a idea of what it is they do. We see the evil charaters of demons that are greed, gluten, and many others that are attacking the salvation of all. The new world few would be all those who have connected with the oneness they call the egg to reach enlightenment. After the world is burned of the evil, those who are enlightened would be led by Krishna and Rahda to the new paradise. We decide the museum is a little scary, and proceed to a temple. We end up going to the actual place where they meditate, and talk with a nice Indian man who describes what kind of meditation they do. Then we later read of how they know that you can reach enlightenment through abstinence, and that many people have had what I would call immaculate conception with there husbands. In this I see the social issues of India taking hold of a mystical practice, that needs to look at social issues. Saying that Spencer and I decide it is not for us. Though a girl that I met found this to be just her thing. She is one of a few people on a spiritual quest in India like Spencer and I. I have to say that is what I thought that India would be about. Meeting like minded people, but there are many who come to vacation...party....or just get away. It seems like most places we go are catering to those Indians also that are becoming middle class, that have lots of money.

We have decided to move straight on to Hampi! We are done with Rajastan, and need to get to the start of some healing. This was a strong initiation that we are now looking for gentleness!